Seduction is a Gift

What is the highest compliment you can give another person?

Your sexual attraction. Everyone is flattered to find out that another person finds them sexy.

It gets better. Knowing that someone is turned on by you will actually turn you on. Likewise, letting someone know that he turns you on will turn him on. Especially if you are letting him know quickly and physically. Arousal is a beautiful loop.

It gets even better. What is the greatest gift you can give another person?

Seduction.

Putting your time, energy, and effort into giving someone else a remarkable experience is a gift. You’re telling this person that he is special, he has your full attention, and that you care about his desires. The two of you come together, and the rest of the world just melts away.

Romance is a gift. Sex is a gift. Letting your energies combine is a gift. Every look, every word, every sensual touch is a gift.

Seducers — unlike the needy Pick Up Artists — are not selfish. They create an environment, set a mood, and make the moment more intense as gifts. They know that even if a gift is not accepted, it does not diminish the act of giving. The key is to give selflessly — with no expectation of return — otherwise it is not a gift, but a bribe.

The beauty, of course, is that it is exactly this sense of giving that brings abundant return: Health, happiness, intimacy, and passionate sex.

I’m of the perspective that we all have a lot of love to give. It’s natural. The problem is that it just lies dormant with most of us. So many people on their death beds express how they wish they had loved more, connected more, and been more open physically and emotionally.

The challenge is to awaken your dormant energy. Awaken you sexuality and sensuality and channel it through the process of seduction.

Learning how to entice others, to enhance and enrich their lives, is about the best gift you can give yourself. Combining your enthusiasm with some tried-and-true technique is exactly what makes you a skilled seducer and a skilled lover.

It is not just love — compassion and care — but the process of awakening the senses and igniting passionate desire that will make the world a better place. It takes compassion and passion. Lean and practice seduction: Save the world.

It's Official...

Barbara needed a lot of lube. Swinging from a chandelier became a real challenge after that...

RIP Guru

Guru (Keith Elam) of Gangstarr and Jazzmatazz died of cancer April 19th at age 43.

I get the song "Ex Girl to Next Girl" in my head all the time.

I went from ex to the next, took my time with each one
And you know they still love me, so stop jellin' me hon
I went home to see my mom and I saw you at the bus stop
Must I stop? Nah I think not
You and I are the past, c'est la vie, much respect girl
But now you're my ex-girl and I'm out with the next girl

I've got a picture with Guru from August 1st 2007. I should go try to find that.

Paleolithic Diet

The Paleo Diet is designed to loosely mimic what man would have eaten 10,000 years ago. In other words, pre-agriculture. The premise is that we have not changed genetically since the advent of agriculture, yet our diets have changed drastically. All of the "diseases of affluence" seem to relate to modern diet.

I'd heard a little bit about this over the years, but I never knew anyone to do it. I read a bit of stuff online and watched a couple YouTube videos, but other than that, I don't know much. I intentionally didn't want to get caught up in the minutia and endless distinctions with this. Yet, of all things 'savage' and my interest in primal man, it sounded like something I had to try.

I started on February 15th. Two months later, this is my progress report.

The first thing to realize is that this is not a raw food died. I can cook and I do. The idea is to just not eat the kinds of foods that have to be cooked or otherwise processed. So all cereal crops are out. No corn, no rice, no wheat. This means no bread, no pasta, no ramen. Beans, legumes (including peanuts), and potatoes are out. And no dairy products.

I eat vegetables, fruits, and meats. Nuts are okay. Seafood and mushrooms would also be okay, but I hate these thing. I've been eating a lot of soups, salads, and things like meat wrapped in lettuce. (It's like the 'Protein Style' on the hidden menu at In-And-Out).

What I am most proud of is getting off of caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, and candy. Man, I used to be addicted to candy and soda and energy drinks.

Avoiding cereals and grains has been surprisingly easy. Mainly because I cook more than I eat out, and I can cook well. With very few exceptions, I have been able to avoid pizza, pasta, chips, queso, rice, and bread. These used to be some of my favorite foods. The times I have slipped have always been in a social context, so I have to be more resolute when I'm out.

Anyway, my favorite thing now is the soup that I create. I make it with chicken about 80% of the time and beef once in awhile. I use fresh vegetables. I usually make two pots per week. Granted, I still eat a lot -- but it has been important for me to change quality before quantity.

Here's what goes into a pot of soup: three pounds of carrots, two onions, a celery stalk, two bell peppers, at least six jalapenos or serranos, two habaneros, and a bunch of green onions. I then add one additional ingredient that I try to change every time, like: zucchini, yellow squash, spaghetti squash, asparagus, tomatoes, or kale. I season with garlic, chillies, black pepper, bay leaves, saffron, basil, and different hot sauces.

What I do not add are the things that "cheapen" soups that you get commercially: pasta, rice, corn, potatoes, beans, etc...

That's my staple. Soup. It's good stuff. There are only a few fruits that I like: bananas, strawberries, and pineapple. I eat apples and oranges once in awhile, but I'm not a big fan.

The things that I crave and still allow myself are breaded chicken fingers and popsicles. Bad stuff, I know. Oh yeah, and beer. This is a big no-no. I'm working on it.

The main thing is the near-total elimination breads and grains, dairy, and the super-bad stuff like soda and candy.

All that said, I have lost twenty pounds in two months with little exerted physical activity. I can't really say that my overall energy level has improved. I think I have greater issues concerning motivation. I still hate running and going to the gym. But, when I am doing something social or physical, I really don't have cravings. It's when I'm in my house and in my head that I have the familiar bouts of emotional eating.

So that's the next step: Eating less (even of the good stuff). Working out more. Identifying and curbing emotional eating.

Hold Nothing Back

A man sometimes goes to great lengths to gift his woman. He works hard for her, creates art, purchases exquisite gems for her, and helps her to grow. But if he waits for his woman's acknowledgment, he suffers. A woman can't express her appreciation fully to a man who needs to feel appreciated.

A woman wants to feel that her man is not dependent on her. She wants to feel that her man wants her, desires her, but does not need her. A needy man is a turn-off. A man who needs to be acknowledged for his giving ruins the gift.

Of course, all men are needy to some extent. And to grow into integrated self-hood requires that men learn to express their needs clearly. But to grow beyond personal integration and truly open fully, a man can learn that his life is a full-blown sacrifice. A life well-lived is a life wherein your gifts are given fully, no holding back -- even if you are not appreciated, acknowledged, or noticed for the giving.

Most women want a man with this kind of offering-strength, a man who does not need her pat on the back to continue giving his gifts to the world or her. He is dedicated to giving his gifts in spite of resistance by the world or by her. A woman loves to feel that even when she doesn't acknowledge her man, he continues on his path without collapse. Then she can trust him. His needs, and therefore his moods, do not sag his life.

If you are a man, notice how much acknowledgment you want from your woman or the world for your gifts. Every man wants to be appreciated for what he gives, but your gifts need not wilt when they are seemingly unnoticed. You can learn to give your gifts fully, without holding back while you wait for adequate acknowledgment -- which rarely comes as fully as you hope, especially when you need it most.

As you grow, you realize that your woman's lack of acknowledgment acts as a test. Are you giving like an artist who must express art, a saint who must offer compassion, a father who must provide his children with the best upbringing he can, regardless of how much appreciation he gets for it? When you die, will you know that you have given yourself utterly to the world, to your woman, to your family, holding nothing back? Or are you still like a little boy eagerly performing for the sake of mom's applause? Very little helps you mature beyond neediness more than the appreciate you want from your woman, but don't get.

--David Deida, Blue Truth

Toxoplasmosis

This all starts with me wondering why I like cats, but pretty much hate dogs. It's not that I hate dogs, it's just that I feel better when they're not around. (Like cops.) They're annoying, lack any sense of self-reliance, and are so goddamn needy.

And they stink. I was recently running the trails here in Austin and I realized that I could actually smell a dog before I came upon it. It's pretty bad sometimes because people here let their dogs run into the lake and then shake themselves off all over the trail and people nearby. It's nasty.

People that own dogs always have homes that stink. The homes of cat owners stink too -- but usually only when they don't change the litter box. Needless to say, the smell of a dog is among the most bothersome things to me. I know I have sensitive olfaction, and a lot of human scents bother me as well: Particularly the smell of gym locker-rooms and the smell of thrift stores. But not as much as dogs.

So, back to cats. Almost all of my long-term relationships have been with cat owners. I have had long term flings with dog owners, but they were situations where I went to her place maybe once. The rest of the time was spent at mine. Of all the women that I have cohabited with, all were cat owners -- including two in Austin. Currently I do not own cats, but years ago I actually had two cats of my own. Perhaps most importantly, my family always had cats growing up.

So here's the thing with cats. They carry a parasitic protozoa called Toxoplasma. They can only reproduce in the digestive tracts of cats. However, they can be spread to any mammal through hand-to-mouth contact with cat shit or even getting scratched by a cat that has feces on its claw. The hand-to-mouth contact doesn't seem so unlikely when you consider things like playing outside, sandboxes, gardening, changing cat litter, and the fact that the protozoa can live up to a year outside of a host.

The disease that this little fucker causes is called Toxoplasmosis. One third of people worldwide have the disease! In the US, it is estimated that 23% of people have it. If you consider that I grew up with cats, I like cats, I like women that like cats, and some other factors that I'm about to mention -- it is highly likely that I have it. (Note to self: Find a way to get tested.)

Here's the thing. People that have it, don't know they have it. There are no acute symptoms in people with healthy immune symptoms. Or are there?

First of all, Toxoplasma has a profound effect on the behavior of mice. It fuck with their dopamine and makes them fearless of cats and actually seek them out. This is to the advantage of the parasite: The cat eats the mouse and the parasite is back in the cat's digestive tract where it can reproduce. Simply put, the parasite turns mice -- who have every reason to avoid cats -- into cat lovers!

Now, there is startling evidence that the parasite has a behavioral effect on humans as well. Toxoplasmosis has been linked to:

--slower reaction time
--greater likelihood of car accidents
--greater jealously in men
--greater promiscuity in women
--changes in mood, sociability, attention, motivation and sleep patterns
--greater likelihood of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder

Fascinating. So was the "crazy cat lady" driven that way by the parasitic infection that her cats gave her? Maybe it was just that first kitten she had as a little girl who's parasite caused her to fall in love with cats?

And what of these women in their 20s and 30s that have one or two cats? Are they more moody? More antisocial (or at least introverted)? More promiscuous? In my experience, all three.

(Note to self: "Cats or dogs?" might turn out to be the best screening question ever.)

Why aren't more studies being done on this?

I'd be interested to learn if there has been a survey that asks about how many sexual partners a person has had and what kinds of pets they have owned.

I grew up with cats. I've owned cats. I've been with hundreds of women. Most of the them also grew up with cats. Many owned cats. The cycle continues. Toxoplasma wins.

Physical - Social - Mental

There are three domains of life: The physical, the social, and the mental.

"Health - Wealth - Relationship" is almost there; but it is more specific than it needs to be. I want to paint with the broadest strokes possible first, and fill in details later.

I think we find the community not just because we are 'bad' with women. This is a symptom of a greater issue. That greater issue is that there is an imbalance with the three domains.

Most guys that find the community are intellectuals. We do things for work and leisure that are mind-intensive.

Do you realize how rare it is for a construction worker, or a plumber, or any guy with a hands-on type physical vocation to find the community?

Engineers, yes. Laborers, no.

Even within the community, you are likely to just become more mentally driven. Reading, writing (FRs), studying, dissecting theories, consuming products.

Or perhaps you become hyper-social. Going out constantly, becoming the approach machine, the dating machine, or even the sex machine.

But there is still imbalance.

I've shared a lot of experience relating to distinctions between being social and being seductive. I talk a lot about the opportunity and exposure aspects of game (social) VS the skillset and escalation aspects of game (seduction). But for now, understand that being seductive is always being social, but being social is not always seductive. Being social is rarely seductive -- but even seduction requires interacting with another person. You can't seduce yourself. (Maybe you can, but that is all mental and I don't really want to think about it.)

Being seductive is a sub-domain of being social (and mental). Being sexual is a sub-domain of being social (and physical).

Back to the imbalance.

The only physical exercise I have gotten in the past few years is walking around (doing approaches) and fucking.

Huge imbalance.

I've started running recently -- and I hate it -- but it's helping me put things in perspective.
(This also stems from a talk with DJ Fuji where he told me that he takes his students running. Holy shit. The most simplistic things really are the most profound.)

Trying to find a balance.

For most of us, the physical and the social take huge amounts of discipline. They require effort. It's worth it because these are the things that put us in touch with our bodies. Our senses. And our environments. This is noticing and experiencing, rather than thinking.

Most women -- at least superficially -- are far more balanced. They enjoy the physical and the social more. They relish sensory rich experiences and sensate awareness. They generally put less attention and effort into book smarts and academics.

Most men are caught in their minds. And caught in the trappings of power/status/value. We're trained this way from school, groomed into the working world, and remain here feeling stifled and repressed. The institutions of school and work will continue to promote this imbalance until we die stress-related deaths.

The only time I have ever felt balanced -- and not conincidentally, the only time I ever felt truly happy -- was when I was doing no conventional 'work' and was actually homeless.

For nearly four years I had no permanent address. I had a vehicle. And just a few possessions.

I'd travel around in my van. I'd spend my days on lengthy hikes, taking photos of things I noticed (physical). I'd spend my nights talking to and hooking up with women (social). I'd sometimes take time to write or read (mental).

When I settled in Austin, things got really out of balance. For awhile, I was hyper-social. New city, new women, new opportunity. Then I became hyper-mental. This always comes with the flawed belief that we need to maintain a certain self image. Attachment to any belief is mental. (Detrimental.)

Anyway, physically, I let myself go. By last winter I was up to the same weight that I carried in high school. 50 pounds overweight. Sounds insane to most people who are more balanced.

I guess I needed to sadistically prove to myself that I could still get girls at that weight. Now that I had skill or different attititude or whatever. And I did. Yippie.

Moving on: Balance.

I could go hardcore with physical challenge and lose a bunch of weight. Just like a community guy could go hardcore with social bootcamps and such. The result is usually further imbalance and burnout.

I'm much more interested in a holistic approach to lifestyle and seduction.

You hear things like... "for every hour you spend reading/studying you should spend an hour in field." This is good. But you also need an hour of physical activity.

This is what I think is reasonable: Each day, put two or three hours toward concentrated physical activity, and two or three hours toward concentrated social activity. The rest of the time (especially with mind-intensive jobs) will account for mental/intellectual activity.

Physical -- exercise, yoga, running/walking, playing sports, dancing

Social -- cold approaches, any level of dating, socializing, seducing

Mental -- reading, writing, studying, watching movies, mind maps

Ideally, there will be some crossover. Taking a class is usually two domains. Travel usually involves all three. I think most of us would find more meaning in work, if we created a way for it to involve all three. I think most of us would enjoy dating more, if we created a way for it to involve all three.

So that's what I'm looking at now. The challenge of balance. Well-being. Staying fit and humble and happy.

The attitude of "OMG! Potential sex-opportunity, I have to go for it all the time!" is not the healthiest direction for anyone.

Moralizing, righteous indignation, and mental mastubation in the name of maintaining a certain image-of-self aren't good for us either.

Balance. Being. Doing. Sharing. Challenging and inspiring each other in all three domains. We're all works in progress, but what would happen if we put our collective time, energy, and effort here?

A Checklist for Forgiveness

There is a specific technology for getting over being mad. Getting over being mad is called forgiveness.

Our minds, as well as a lot of experts, tell us to avoid this at all costs. Most of us, most of the time, would rather just stay mad and think about it and invent categories full of negative judgement for the rotten jerks who made us mad and look for further proof that we are right and they are wrong. It's more fun and it's easier to do.

Unfortunately, the 'easy' way is the one most damaging to ourselves and others and it doesn't work.

If you want to get over being mad, you have to come back down from the principle, to the experience of being mad -- away from the general principle and in the direction of the specific events that preceded the abstraction. You have to say to the person's face, what the person did or said that made you mad. Forget about explaining why. You don't know why, anyway. Drop the explanation. Just resent them for what they did and don't justify anything. You are petty. We all are. You are crazy. We all are. Go ahead and be petty and cray and do it out loud and magnify the experience.

Love is when you let someone be the way she is. When you let up on your judgements of someone, there is a free space in which forgiveness and love occur. Here is the checklist:

1. Talk face-to-face. You need to look each other in the eye and react to each other moment-to-moment.

2. Start your sentences as often as possible with the words, "I resent you for..." or "I appreciate you for..."

3. Speak in the present tense.

4. Eventually, get specific.

5. Focus as much as you can on what did happen instead of what didn't happen.

6. Stay in touch with your experience as you talk.

7. Stay there with the person beyond the time it takes to exchange resentments.

8. After you have both fully expressed your specific resentments, express your appreciations in the same way.

If you refuse to quit, and keep talking to the person you're interacting with until you feel complete, you will eventually be complete with him. You'll have no more withheld resentments or appreciations, and you'll be able to experience him newly, as he is, in that moment.

--Brad Blanton